Tapestry

There are more people living on the Earth today than have EVER DIED in history..

That means over half of the people Jesus died for are living on the Earth now..

What does that mean for this generation?

God's weaving a beautiful tapestry and He's given us prime roles in the making. . .

This is long and confusing..

I couldn't feel Him..


God was a set of facts and past experiences that I held onto because I knew they were true..


But I didn't feel passion for Him...



I knew God was omniscient.. And I yawned..

I knew God loved me enough to die for me.. And I felt unloved

I'd look at the world around me... And tell myself it was wonderful-
without falling on my knees.. Crying out in enamoredness to the Most High..

I didn't feel emotional.. connected.. Alive in Christ...


I prayed to feel Him.. To be swept away by His glory... and to be transformed..

Questioning myself is hard.. and I am doubtlessly my own toughest critic.. I knew because I wasn't feeling an emotional connection to God that I had it wrong.. I had turned my head from the fact that I was living selfishly and wondered why I wasn't being fulfilled..

Tonight at 531 I was stuggling with my immunity to feel the wonders of Christ. I'd feel guilty realizing I was captivated by the music instead of the Lord that created it. In prayer triangles I prayed God would fill us all.. I prayed to feel His presence.. I needed to FEEL the passion of God rather than KNOW about the passion of God..

They began to play "Everlasting God"

"You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint
You won't grow weary

You are the everlasting God

You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles"

Immediately an image from Shepard of the Ozarks came to my mind.. It was of Saturday morning when I woke up early and went out to the cliff edge looking over the water and Ozark Mountains.. I sat there on the rock talking to God.. Sharing with God.. I ended up singing to Him.. Changing lyrics to how I hope to be and how I wanted to feel toward Him.

And as I sang to God in 531.. "You are the everlasting God".. I got the amazing image of the Ozark Mountains towering above the river and land below me.. God showed me He is the everlasting God.. He made this nature, which I feel passionate for, therein, I can find passion for Him..

These things I feel for.. They bow down to the God I'd become desensitized to. .

"You do not faint, You won't grow weary.." The majesty of the mountains in my mind at that second put my weary self to shame.. How great is our God!

Tears came to my eyes as I felt the sovereignty of the Lord..

"You're the defender of the weak, You comfort those in need.." You love me. You love ME.

"You lift us up on wings like eagles.." I see myself taking off, full flight above the mountains.. Being lifted up on wings like eagles..


I cry and thank God...

He's shown Himself to me and ignited a flame within...

He is so faithful

Aslan is on the move..

A Cult of Hypocrites..

Have you ever heard the stereotype "I'm not going to church because it's full of hypocrites.." ? It breaks my heart to hear it come from the mouths of people I care for and want to experience God's love.. This view is a wise deception.. It reminds me of the twisted lies the devil snares people with in The Screwtape Letters.

I used to use the same excuse, an umbrella of selfishness and fear to reside under.. It's easy to blame 'the others' for not being perfect so you have an excuse not to be.. During the time I believed the lie that I was above the 'self-righteous liars that called themselves Christians', I was extremely angry.. I was bitter at the world and the fake people in it..

I was also scared. So caught up in the comfort of my false independence, I didn't even realize I was the fakest person I knew. I was a phony. My hatred towards the people that 'were so wrong' was revealed as a hatred for myself and the fabricated beliefs that held me back from truly experiencing love with my Lord. .

Every human is a hypocrite in some way, form, or fashion.. As humans, we are flawed.. Thank God for grace. . We are called by God while we are still sinners.. and not, as I've realized, after we transform to perfection..

The church is full of broken people.. Broken people with their eyes looking to God.. No one is perfect and everyone falls..

It's up to all of us to help each other to our feet again.. Instead of pointing disdainfully in each others faces, while wearing the garments of a fake.

No I'm not the girl I used to be lately
See, you met me at an interesting time.
If my past is any sign of your future
You should be warned before I let you inside.

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you.

I will beg my way into your garden
I will break my way out when it rains
Just to get back to the place where I started
So I can want you back all over again.

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby
I don't trust myself with loving you.

Who do you love?
Who do you love~ me or the thought of me?

Hold on to whatever you find baby
Hold on to whatever will get you through
Hold on to whatever you find baby

I don't trust myself with loving you

Lindy

This is dedicated to Lindy..
I had a "Lindy post" in my previous blog
and feel bad that there isn't one in this one.

So HERE IT IS!

To Lindy for being a great friend!

A really, really great friend, whom I love spending time with, fighting with, and everything else with!

I LOVE YOU LINDY!